Joke of the Day

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A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
'Mum', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'
'Not yet,' she replied.

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By the time the soldier pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere", he pleaded with a proprietor. "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, but he is an Air Force guy" admitted the manager, and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you.
" No problem." the tired Army guy assured him, "I'll take it." The next morning the soldier came down to breakfasts bright-eyed and bushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better", said the soldier. The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring all night long?" "No, I shut him up in no time", explained the soldier.
"How'd you manage that?" asked the proprietor.
"Well, he was already in bed, snoring away, when I walked into the room, so I gave him a kiss on the cheek" explained the soldier. “Then, I whispered in his ear 'Good night beautiful', and he sat up all night watching me."

ROFL! OMg that second one is fucking funny!

Ukrainian Tomato Garden

An old Ukrainian about 80 years old lived alone in Edmonton. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was very hard to turn over for an 80 year old. His only son, Walter, who used to help him, was in prison in Prince Albert, Saskatchewan penitentiary for an extended sentence.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Walter,

I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.

Love,

Tato



A few days later he received a letter from his son.


Dear Tato,

Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.

Love,

Walter


At 4 a.m. the next morning, RCMP and local Edmonton police arrived and dug up the entire backyard area without finding any bodies. They finally apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.


Dear Tato,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love you,

Walter

Hillbilly Vasectomy

After their 11th child, a hillbilly couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in hillbilly country) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.'

The hillbilly said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me..'

'Trust me,' said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

'1'


'2'


'3'


'4'


'5'


At which point, he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure works in Tennessee , Kentucky , Louisiana , Arkansas , Mississippi , Alabama , Georgia , Florida , West Virginia and Saskatchewan.

Whytewolf wrote:Hillbilly Vasectomy

After their 11th child, a hillbilly couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in hillbilly country) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.'

The hillbilly said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me..'

'Trust me,' said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

'1'


'2'


'3'


'4'


'5'


At which point, he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure works in Tennessee , Kentucky , Louisiana , Arkansas , Mississippi , Alabama , Georgia , Florida , West Virginia and Saskatchewan.

Wow. Simply Wow.